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CALCULATING LIFE part 1-How does it add up?


My life seems like a thousand moments strung together at random. I’m sure I am not alone in that, yet sometimes I feel SO alone. We have those sparkling moments we hang our identity on. The time you were the hero, the saint, the creator, the risk taker, and the final word—those are often our triumphant moments. We string those with the darker times when we were over looked, under valued, beaten to the punch, when good intentions go bad, and when taking the risk ends in uncharitable failure. Like beads on a necklace we hope to sparkle and be colorful along the way.

Randomness. It’s such a fad word right now. Random? We make so many choices changing our path and circumstance that it is hard to tell what’s random from what is inevitable. And Fate? Fate is a belief….I think. Maybe it is a religion or a scape goat. Anyway you think of it, I am not a believer and I don’t like excuses so… I don’t put much thought into fate. Destiny on the other hand is printed boldly on the cover of my biography ( I mean if I had one).

As a kid you start dreaming of your future. Wonder how fate may intervene. Who hasn’t asked, “What is my destiny?!?” You bring a calculus level of factoring into the equation. You tally your strengths and talents against your disadvantaged economic status, remember to multiply by your drive and determination, divide by the fraction of contacts you have, apply your dreams and doubt and sum up your chances. Use an abacus, hope for lots of sparkly beads on your side of the equation. Most of us end up knowing in our core we are going to have— and do— something…..something…..well , something really amazing. Somewhere in your 20’s you realize you don’t have the drive you calculated and you forgot to account for the people in your life you would be tied to.

If you are lucky life will have brought you someone to help you build your future. This is were Destiny shows up like a showgirl in a sequin gown, and you gotta pray she is more Broadway, less Vegas. Like a Tony award winning show, our love story has been running for 24 years. Scott will tell you we were written in the stars. I don’t know about that but I know he was written in my heart long before I met him. My husband is a foundation all by himself. It was so easy for me to build my life on him. In truth, he is impulsive, decisive, and has immeasurable drive, which brings a lot of excitement and randomness to our lives.

I am more chaotic than random but it has brought surprise and personality to our story. Our love story is a little like a Mardi Gras party…lots of sparkly beads…and some nudity…but mostly a lot of fun, excitement, and excess. We have always had excess. Life has brought us so much in the way of love, opportunity, adventure, and even loss.

The thing is to take it all in stride. Random, predestined moments of love, glory, discovery, and evolution. Dark fate…that thing I don’t believe in. The thing that we blame when dark shadows fill our heart and black holes pull at our soul. It’s a black bead in our rainbow of fortune.

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